Our presentation opens immediately with a series of engaging songs that address, racism, sexism, homophobia, alcohol and drugs and sexual assault. The approach of using popular culture (specifically music) to educate has a powerful impact. By using musical metaphors and speaking to students in their own language we have found a way to both capture the attention and involve students in prevention efforts. At the conclusion of the series of seven songs I draw connections between racism, homophobia, and alcohol and sexual assault.

Moving into the workshop I tell the students that this program will be interactive, not lecture-based, and will be highlighted by group exercises and discussions. Because of the sensitive nature of this topic, I tell them they may interact at their own comfort levels: no one is required to participate. I then ask counselors, resident advisors and other helping professionals to stand, introduce themselves and briefly share campus resource information. It’s important to put faces to the names of these campus resource people during the first week of students’ arrival.

We immediately go into our first exercise which serves as an icebreaker and helps students understand that cultural experiences underpinning sexual aggression exist along a continuum of behaviors. I read a series of statements and ask them to stand up silently if a statement applies to them. Everyone has a right not to stand, if they choose. I sit in a chair also to join in this exercise explaining that I will not ask them to do anything I would not feel comfortable in doing. I begin reading, “Please stand up if you:

Moving into my next exercise, I read a variety of unfinished statements, note: for smaller groups I post these on the walls around the room. These sentence stems include: An awkward thing about dating is...I can tell someone wants to be kissed when...If a women drinks…One thing I hear about Greeks/athletes on this campus is...I feel manipulated in a dating situation when...Women who wear sexy clothes...If a woman goes back to a guy's room….One good thing about this College/University is…

I ask students to finish any statement which they feel comfortable to discuss, and assure them that no one will be required to talk. Moving around the room, I facilitate animated discussions using the opinions students offer and examine the underpinning attitudes and beliefs that contribute to sexual aggression.

When a brave first-year student stands and speaks the entire class listens. This type of peer education is very powerful. I acknowledge to the group that I certainly would not have the guts to have done so when I was a first year student in college. I validate their comments and clarify facts from myths. Exercises such as these set a tone for involvement and allow us to get acquainted with the group before moving into the more difficult and critical issues.

My work as a rape educator has shown that students who participate in interactive and non-blaming programs develop intervention skills and empathy for sexual assault victims. We know, if we are familiar with research on sexual violence, that programming with freshmen is critical,

Building on personal experiences and beliefs, we move into an exercise that connects stereotypical gender roles and cultural violence. We discuss how gender roles might contribute to interpersonal violence. I ask: Who puts us in these roles? What's the hardest thing about adhering to these roles? These conversations are documented on dry erase boards, which are reviewed periodically to highlight key points. This exercise is important because students who adhere to rigid gender roles increase their likelihood of being involved in interpersonal violence.

We discuss the stereotypical assumptions that men must be strong, powerful, dominant, and in control in life and dating situations. We contrast that with assumptions and expectations of women: being passive, quiet, not trusting their gut feelings in “Oh-Oh” situations and letting the guy take the lead. This provides a lively forum for participants to express their discomfort with these limiting and sometimes harmful gender roles. Discussions of alternatives to social norms help to balance harmful misconceptions.

Continuing along I employ a series of scenarios portraying potential and actual sexual assault situations. These portrayals range from an intoxicated couple, to an ambiguous date rape and end with a potential gang rape. Students are put in the role of being an ally or advocate and brainstorm possible interventions. This skill-building section leaves students with intervention techniques they can use in real-life situations. Few students have this type of training and often are unprepared when they witness interpersonal violence in their lives. I begin with the following scene to the group. They have been roommates with a guy for the past year. He has been talking about a women he is especially interested in for most of the year and he finally has a date that evening. He gets dressed up and even asks to use some of your cologne. You wish him luck as he leaves for his date; you have to stay in and study for a mid-term test. About midnight that evening you’re about ready to crash in your bedroom when you hear him and his date come back to your place. You stay up a bit, eavesdrop on their conversation, and hear them mix a few drinks and talk. A little more time passes and it sounds like you hear her saying “No, No.” After a while you think you hear her crying. The next morning you’re a bit perplexed about that previous night and ask your roommate at the breakfast table how the date went? He smiles and says: “It went great!”

This is peer education at its best. The men and women constantly come up with creative interventions because they are placed in the role of being an ally. It is encouraging that many guys say they would not wait until the following morning to do something. Examples include; Making some noise in their shared apartment so the women knows help could be available; and knocking on their roommate’s door to borrow a book or CD. Other men would subtly ask probing questions of their roommate the next morning; while still others say they would try to find the woman and get her side of the story. Students have or will been in such situations during their time on campus. It is important to be aware that many rape survivors enrolling in our Colleges and Universities were victimized during their middle/high school years. These candid conversations and interventions offer men and women specific skills to use in future situations. We continue to reinforce that they, the students, are the experts on sexual aggression by validating their comments and insights.

At the heart of this program is a definition of what legally constitutes rape. The majority of college students doesn’t know the law and do not label behavior which meets the legal definition of rape as such. The use of alcohol to break down sexual reluctance is one such example. College students do not understand that an intoxicated person is unable to give consent. Other forms of coercion, such as using body weight to hold a person down, or locking a door to prevent exit from a room are also discussed and clarified. I examine the common tactics of coercion and manipulation used by campus rapists, and the role alcohol and or drug use plays in the majority of sexual assaults. Most students also do not understand that coercion can include: talking someone into sex, and verbal threats without actually physical violence. I also remind them that alcohol/drug use is not the "cause" of sexual violence but is a contributing factor and the primary date rape drug. The real causes are the underpinning beliefs and behaviors discussed during the workshop. Research has shown that men frequently interpret behaviors a woman intends to be perceived as “friendly" as being flirtatious. This misperception is also frequently observed in the context of social gatherings, i.e. parties, bars and dates.

The legal fact is that consent is a clear, freely given, verbalized "Yes" to the act in question

“Please be patient and understanding with women who have been raped. It is hard to trust again.”

“Just because we had sex before it is not OK to assume you can have it again whenever you feel the desire.”

“When I flirt with you, it means I like your company or find you fun to be with. It does not mean I want to have sex.”

"Do not categorize all us guys as rapist, many of us are honorable with no bad intentions."

"Many of us guys are just as unsure in how to behave or what to do in dating situations as you women."

"Women have more power then it seems, be careful with you actions and behaviors."

"This exercise galvanizes the groups’ attention by the candid and personal nature of the exercise. For many students the safety in confidentiality allows them to express themselves."

The program concludes with three proactive approaches students can take to prevent rape: First I ask them to educate themselves; I compliment them on having taken the first step, of being a select group to receive this education. I encourage them to continue these conversations outside the workshop. Second, I encourage them to work on communication in dating situations, to discuss their wishes and expectations. There is nothing wrong with asking for what they want in an intimate relationship, the key is listening to and honoring the answer they receive. Third, I encourage the men to take a risk and active stance against sexual assault at some by using the intervention techniques they developed during the program at some point during their first year in college.

The role-plays, exercises and guided discussions in this program have been gleaned from 15 years of contact with students in higher education and in public schools. The program has been developed out of experiments, trial and error, the research literature and both planned and unexpected successes. This curriculum is designed as a "how-to" guide for beginning necessary conversations about violence in our culture and developing student skills to promote campus wellness and safety.