It's About You, Man
Recent article about Todd and the "Between The Beats"
program, written by Elizabeth She.
The MVP Program - Men's
Violence Prevention
Published in the Feb-March 2001
Issue
Peer Educator, Bacchus and Gamma Education Network Magazine.
Sexual
Aggression 101 - For Men And Women
Published in the
March 2000 Peer Educator, Bacchus and Gamma Education Network Magazine.
Excerpt from my forthcoming
book
Men Who Stop Rape
...continued... There are many men who are taking up the challenge
to reduce sexism and violence against women. Examples include Kenny
Smith, the popular television basketball analyst and former NBA star,
who said “no” to Playboy magazine when it nominated him for its pseudo
sports award as a member of an All-American team, a ploy designed to
boost magazine sales with male sports fans. So did Rasheed Wallace of
the NBA Detroit Pistons, and Duke University head basketball coach
Mike Krzyzewski. Mark Mcguire the baseball homerun superstar donated
one million dollars to set up a child abuse treatment program in St
Louis. Lorenzo Romar, the highly visible and successful University of
Washington basketball coach, took a public stand against domestic
violence. Recounting how it personally influenced his home life as a
child he frankly stated, “You feel helpless.” When mentoring
his high- profile players, Romar offers the following counsel: “I
talk to them about seeing it, going through it and how, as much as you
despise it, you can end up doing the same thing yourself”.
(Seattle Post-Intelligencer, June 18th 2004)
Our focus on the negative qualities in a few men
causes us to miss what is positive with most men. We can find numerous
positive male images if we look beyond the headlines. My mantra in
working with men is: I must have courage to work with an open mind and
heart. To my colleagues I say, become aware of your limiting
assumptions about men, for within them lies a judgment that can
restrict your effectiveness. Be keenly aware of your own prejudices.
By re-orientating the way you perceive of men, (their roles and
actions) you can elevate their consciousness to take the lead in
stopping violence.
My second tenet is that men who are involved in
ongoing violence prevention (VP) training and teaching efforts
(similar to peer-education programs) are the men who are most likely
to be changed. Examining and unlearning 15-20 years of hurtful
attributes about masculinity doesn’t happen after a one-shot program.
It occurs through a sustained process over time. How does one
dismantle the ideological framework and acceptance of patriarchy and
male abuse? By methodically examining, critiquing and reasoning with
men about the inherent limitations and harm such ideologies have for
women as well as men. Our traditional approaches to male VP have been
to require young men to attend a single lecture presentation (if any)
during the course of their academic lives. In the past such
presentations were often facilitated solely by women, who, by the way,
do the majority of work as both victim advocate and educators. But
such programs, and those facilitated by men as well, rarely inspire
male involvement. Men must involve themselves in order to reduce the
pressure on the thousands of women who continue carry most of the
burden as anti-violence educators, and to make any VP program more
effective. Women educators must continue to be the innovators for
addressing female-to-female sexual and interpersonal violence -- an
ongoing problem that remains hidden and is infrequently addressed.
Men cannot be reached by merely telling them to do
this or to stop doing that. Preaching about male violence rarely
teaches students, and lectures are lethal for any effort to engage men
in extended and life-transforming programs. It is paramount that we
eschew lectures and start engaging men by reaching out to them more
than half way. VP educators need to act proactively. Hoping for male
involvement and then waiting for it to occur has become the collective
failure of this particular educational enterprise.
